Everyday Wedding advice

The recent downturn in the economy will have an affect on wedding planning and on the business of merchants who depend on brides and grooms for their livlihood. People still get married, no matter what the economy, but they scale back on the size of the wedding and on spending in general. As we have seen in past economic downturns, they will choose a less expensive location, less expensive food, and cut back on serving alcohol (a budget breaker at most weddings).  They may eliminate the “luxury” services, such as videography, photo booths, chocolate fountains, and other items that can add to the uniqueness of a wedding.

What can we as vendors do to keep clients coming in the door? First, look at your customer service. If it isn’t top notch, couples will either choose one of your competitors or they will forgo your service entirely. You need to add value in some way that makes you stand out from your competitors.

Second, how is your pricing? If in the past you priced your services to attract the up-scale client and not the average bride and groom, you might need to rethink that.

This is not a time to stop advertising, but it is a time to rethink how you are spending your advertising dollars. If you don’t track where contacts come from, you might want to start doing that. Did they find you at a wedding show, in a wedding guide book, or on-line? Did a past client refer them to you? Once you know where your business comes from, you can focus your advertising more closely.

If your business has debt, find a way to pay it off. More small businesses fail in tough times because of an excess of debt than from any other issue. Your goal should be to have enough money in your bank account to weather the down months until the economy turns around and couples begin purchasing again.

Yes, times are tough, but with careful planning, we can weather the slow down in business until the economy turns around.

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I just returned from a wedding reception held in a small rural community in Oregon. The town is located 4 hours from the nearest rental center and 3 hours from the nearest caterer. Therefore, the couple, and others before them, used what was locally available to create their reception. 

The party was held at a retreat center located next to the city park. The location incuded large lawns, a bunk house with two kitchens, and an area away from the facility for a bonfire. The couple erected a “tent” by using a Forest Service parachute attached to metal poles. They borrowed tables and chairs from the community center. Ladies in the community brought linens, most of which covered only the center of the tables. The ladies also brought vases of flowers from their gardens to serve as centerpieces.

Steak, chicken, and pork was cooked on a large home-made grill that was borrowed fr0m a friend. Baked beans were cooked and served in a large cast iron kettle. Several salads were available and some of the guests contributed side dishes. Dessert consisted of brownies, pies, and a variety of muffins. The bride’s mother made her famous truffles.

Music for dancing was provided via downloads from the internet to a laptop computer. 

Many of the 125 guests left when it got dark. Others moved to the campfire where they visited until the wee hours. Guests came from Illinois, Washington, Idaho, Oregon and California. The event was casual, fun, and a great opportunity to meet new people and to spend time with distant relatives.

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We hear a lot about etiquette issues the bride and groom should consider when planning their wedding, but what about the wedding guests? The best planned wedding can be diminished or ruined by insensitive guests. At one time or another most of us have seen or experienced bad behavior by guests (we would never do it ourselves, would we?). The following are some of the most common issues  that wedding planners, officiants, DJs, photographers, and other wedding professionals deal with all the time.

*Guests who fail to return the RSPV, or worse yet, those who respond that they will attend and then don’t.  The bride and groom need the replies so their caterer can prepare the right amount of food. It may also be necessary to rent additional tables, chairs, and linens if the response is greater than expected. When guests fail to return the RSVP the bride or groom has to spend time calling them to determine whether they plan to attend. To respond that one will attend and then not do so costs the bride and groom money, sometimes significant amounts if a number of guests fail to attend. It also creates hard feelings that may take a long time to overcome.

*Dress appropriately. Unless the wedding is very casual, shorts, Levis, athletic shoes, ball caps, tee shirts, and other casual attire are inappropriate, as is overly revealing clothing. Some facilities, particularly country clubs, private clubs, and churches, have dress codes. Those who arrive improperly dressed may not be allowed to enter the facility.

*Arrive on time. If you arrive after the ceremony has started, wait until the wedding coordinator tells you it is okay to enter. Don’t enter down the center aisle unless you have no alternative. Instead, enter through a side door and quietly take a seat at the back.

*Don’t bring uninvited guests. Don’t assume that children, dates, or others are invited to the wedding unless their name appears on the invitation. To bring an additional person can create embarrassment if the person has nowhere to sit or doesn’t have food to eat.

*If you bring children, supervise them. Don’t allow them to run wild, chase each other, or otherwise disturb other guests. If they are disruptive, take them out of the room. Don’t expect the photographer, DJ, or wedding coordinator to supervise them for you. Many churches have cry rooms where young children can be taken and mothers can still see and hear the ceremony.

*Don’t take more than your share of food, particularly if a buffet is served. Be sensitive to those in line behind you and leave something for them. You can always go back if food is left.

*Don’t drink too much. You are there to celebrate with the newly weds, not embarrass yourself and them.

If each guest takes the time to consider how their conduct affects others and displays a little courtesy and thoughtfulness, the wedding day will be an enjoyable occasion for the bride and groom and all of their guests.

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One of the benefits of holding weddings in outdoor locations is that you never know who or what might show up. In my area we are fortunate to have numerous outdoor locations for weddings as well as having proximity to mountains and lakes for those who want to have a less structured wedding. Many of those locations come with resident wildlife, adding an extra dimension to the wedding.  Our local botanical garden used to be home to several dens of rock chucks until the bull snakes attacked the young. It is not uncommon to see garter and bull snakes at the garden today and I have seen deer walk through just before a ceremony.

 Wineries and snakes seem to be a given. The winery personnel like bull snakes because they keep the rodent population under control. It can be a bit unnerving, however, when a bull snake winds its way through the seated guests, headed directly for the bride and groom, as one did at one summer wedding. Fortunately, a quick thinking groomsman caught the snake, posed for a picture, then tossed it over the hillside into the nearby apple orchards. When I mentioned it to the bride, she said she saw the snake and it added another memory to their wedding day.

One location, in the city, contains an amphitheater overlooking a man-made lake. The lake is home to ducks, Canada geese, and muskrats. At one wedding, a pair of muskrats chased each other around the wedding party, who were assembled on the platform at the center of the amphitheater, which projects into the water.

Our outdoor Shakespearian theater is home to deer, Canada geese, ducks, and a variety of native birds. We can always count on some type of wildlife joining the festivities.

Mountain weddings take on their own unique character. It is not unusual for the reception site to be visited by bears, raccoons, and other “critters” who are lured by the smell of food, as well as by deer and an occasional coyote or fox.

If you are planning an outdoor wedding in or near the country, don’t be surprised if you are visited by wildlife of some type. It will add to your memories and those of your guests.

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In terms of weather, outdoor weddings can be a dicey business.  Mother Nature does not always cooperate.  Most of my couples have been pretty lucky, though a few have had to deal with extreme weather challenges.  There was the couple who held an outdoor ceremony in a friends’ backyard on the first day of spring, a risky endeavor perhaps anywhere, but especially so in Oregon.  The day before their ceremony it was sunny and nice, and the day after as well, but on their wedding day, it poured buckets the entire time. 

They had erected a tent that kept the guests more-or-less dry, though water still came in around the sides and muddied the grass floor.  My place at the open end of the tent meant that I was pelted with rainwater for the duration.  The Unity candle set, even with glass chimneys, would not stay lit.  Guests shivered.   The bride and groom smiled graciously.  We got through the rather long, arduous ceremony they had chosen, beginning with a ceremonial handwashing of all the guests as they entered the tent—more cold water from a pitcher and bowl.  So water was definitely the theme of the day, and rain wasn’t the only moisture to dampen their spirits.  That morning the couple had awakened to flooding in their downstairs apartment due to an upstairs neighbors’ plumbing problem that quickly became their problem.   

I’ve seen mid summer days that should have been hot, but were not.  Shivering brides and bridesmaids have marched down the aisle, dressed in backless, sleeveless dresses—and goosebumps.  Contrastingly, there are sweltering summer days where men in the bridal party are buttoned up in 3-piece black tuxes and bow ties, with perspiration pouring from their faces.  I recall another very sweaty groom at a church wedding.  He had indulged in a few beers beforehand to calm his jitters.  Adding to his distress, the air conditioner in the sanctuary quit working.  During the bridesmaid’s solo, I slipped him a tissue (I keep one handy in case of tears), so he could mop his brow.  A towel is what he really needed. 

One July during a heat wave, I officiated a formal wedding—the men were in gloves and tuxes with long tails.  The bride’s traditional gown, though strapless, was made up of layers and layers of polyester, which does not exactly breathe. There was no breeze on this unusually hot, overcast and muggy day.  The clouds provided little relief, mostly holding in the heat.  Just as I pronounced the couple husband and wife, the sun came out from behind the clouds full blast, and then it began sprinkling besides.  One could almost hear the “s‑s‑s‑s‑t” as the raindrops landed on the wedding party and their guests.   

In situations such as these, the wedding itself can be the first test of how a couple handles challenges in their married life.  Can they laugh in the face of adversity?  Can they handle disappointment with grace?  Can they remember why they’re vowing to love, honor, and cherish in the first place?  If they can stay centered on the love that brought them together, as well as maintaining a sense of humor and grace, all things are possible.

Rev. Leah Light

www.weddedyourway.com

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Are you on active duty with the military and want to get married? Your fiance/fiancee can’t be present either? That’s okay in Montana, the only U.S. state that allows double proxy marriages. Only a few counties in Montana allow the practice, however. For a fee, you can hire someone to stand in for both the bride and groom.

To qualify for such a marriage, both the bride and groom must be U.S. citizens. In addition, either the bride or groom must be a Montana resident or on active duty with the military. Several legal steps must be satisfied and the fee for a proxy marriage can be hefty. Double proxy marriages are recognized by all states except Iowa.

Single proxy marriages can be performed in California, Texa, and Colorado, usually for active duty military personnnel. Colorado law, however, also allows for proxy marriages for those incarcerated.

So, if you are in the military and really want to get married, you might consider a proxy marriage. But a proxy honeymoon - I don’t think so.

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I often tell my clients, “if that’s the worst that happens, then you’re having a great day.” I use this when the dress rubs against the tire of the limo, or when the maid of honor steps on the bride veil.

What happens when the power goes out? This happened last weekend! The couple had an extended cocktail hour from 6-7:30. At around 7:20, the couple was in the ball room making sure everything was OK. The DJ was just finishing setting up and BAM the power went out! If you were in the north east last weekend, you probably remember the rain & wind. As we later found out, most of north Jersey was out of power, but that knowledge did not help this poor bride & groom one bit.

The keyboard player was in the cocktail area finishing up his set, when everyone was informed cocktail hour would be extended due to the power failure. The generators kicked on, so there was some light, but unfortunately, the minimal amount of power silenced the keyboard player. The father of the groom didn’t let it dampen his spirits, however, and entertained the guests with his own music, singing, what I am assuming was, an Italian Aria.

Back in the ball room, the bride & groom were coming to terms with the idea that their reception would be candle lit and music-less. The staff at the Skyland’s Manor came though, however. They quickly set up a larger generator, sent staff out for extra fuel and had the DJ up & running in less than 30 minutes. The guests were invited into the candle-lit room where the staff pulled together a beautiful, delicious dinner from a dark (and I mean dark) kitchen! The DJ didn’t miss a beat and, despite what must have been heart stopping half hour of scrambling to connect to the generator, pulled off a terrific party!

We had a little trouble, since a video camera can’t see in candle light, but along with the photographer, we were able to use minimal light and still capture the entire night in photos and video for the bride & groom. Speaking of the bride & groom, they were amazingly calm through this whole ordeal. Some guests commented that this was a typical event in the life of the groom, but none-the-less, it is not what you expect on your wedding day.

By remaining calm, the entire staff & crew that night was able to pull off an amazing event, and the bride & groom had the wedding of their dreams. This just goes to show you that if that was the worst thing that happens to them in their married life, they are in for a wonderful time together!

Darcie King

Always In Motion Pictures

a division of E Video Productions

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I recently coordinated a wedding held in the chapel at a ski resort. About 3 feet of snow covered the ground with piles over 7 feet tall along all the roads. The day before the wedding, for the rehearsal, we drove the 100 miles to the resort in a snow storm with patchy fog. 

The wedding day morning dawned bright and sunny, with wet roads from the melting snow. The weather was good enough for the bride to ski the bunny slope in her gown. The groom and his attendants, who wore kilts, skied as well. The photographer took some amazing photos. The couple got engaged in Scotland and they wanted to add Scottish touches to their big day.

We engaged a bagpiper, who surprised the guests by playing the recessional from the foyer where he couldn’t be seen. After the wedding party exited, the bagpiper entered the chapel and led the guests out and across a courtyard to the reception center where they enjoyed dinner and dancing.

It was a lovely evening in a unique setting. Over 160 people drove the 2 hours to the resort to be part of the festivities.

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One of my upcoming grooms, Mike, was on the phone in a panic.  I had already met with him and Suzy.  Their deposit was paid and ceremony scripted.  Wedding plans for the following month were moving forward in earnest: invitations ready, family and friends preparing to come.  Travel arrangements were also made for the couple’s honeymoon trip overseas.  Now, suddenly, they had a big problem.  Suzy was planning to change her last name, so Mike had gone ahead and purchased her airline ticket in her new, married name.  But then they realized that the name on her ID, including her passport, had to match the airline ticket.  As they found out, reissuing a passport may take several weeks.  Unfortunately, they had several days, not weeks between the ceremony and their trip.  The airline refused to reissue her ticket under her old name, quoting Patriot Act law. Buying a new ticket was not in their budget.  Mike’s questions to me:  Would I be able to marry them early so she could change her name and avoid a travel disaster?  Furthermore, could they still go forward with my officiating the later wedding they’d planned, even if they were already married?  My answer of, “Yes,” and “Yes,” to both questions was a great relief to them.  And on their big day when Mike and Suzy said their I do’s before friends and family, no one knew I’d already pronounced them husband and wife a month earlier. 

Though the reasons are usually different from Mike and Suzy’s, I’ve seen a growing phenomenon of one couple, two weddings.  One will be a private legal ceremony, the other a much larger “social” wedding.  The interval between may stretch from several weeks or months to sometimes as much as a year.  The reason for two weddings?  Most often it is to gain insurance, military, or tax benefits without delay.  Alternatively, it can be an issue of timing and logistics, i.e., getting family that live in different geographical locations all together in one place at the same time.  One of my couples who was intimidated about the legal paperwork simply wanted it out of the way so there would be one less thing to worry about at their big wedding. 

Sometimes family is informed of the true story and sometimes not.  I don’t have a problem with keeping the couple’s “secret.”  However, this can create a gray area with potential for problems, especially of legal problems.  This is definitely something a couple will want to consider if they are choosing to delay an official marriage.  What if, God forbid, someone falls ill or something happens to one of both before a legally recognized marriage takes place?  If the family doesn’t know, they may go hunting for a marriage record that doesn’t exist.  There could be financial and inheritance issues as well.  This is something a couple should take up with legal counsel. 

If I’m called upon to keep such a secret, I do want to at least know about it in advance.  One couple certainly threw me a curve ball that left me with an ethical dilemma.  They had not given any indication of anything unusual during our initial meeting.  They had paid their deposit and approved the ceremony I’d prepared for them.  When I arrived on their wedding day, I asked to see the license, which is standard procedure, to check the dates and make sure all is in order.  And it was—until the groom told me they wanted to file their license, themselves.  I declined, explaining it was my responsibility and part of my job to file it.  Then we had a problem.  They confessed to me that they weren’t planning to file it, after all.  For reasons they never explained to me, they could not go through with a legal marriage at that time, but had obviously purchased the license as a ruse to make their family think they were.   

I take a fairly broad view of the term marriage.  To me, a marriage of the heart is still a marriage and is deserving of a celebration, even a public declaration and ceremony, if that’s what a couple wants.  If for whatever reason they choose to forego the piece of paper, it’s up to them to be aware of the legal ramifications.  And I don’t mind if there is a time lag between a marriage of the heart and the marriage on record at the courthouse.  As long as I’m following the laws of my state and the dictates of my conscience, I believe in helping a couple achieve whatever kind of union they wish.  On the other hand, this particular couple had not only misled me, but had in effect made me co-conspirator in their plan to deceive their family—who, by the way, were all waiting in their seats for the nuptials to begin while we were sorting things out in the hallway.  Needless to say, I was not a happy camper.  I would have been within my rights to walk out and leave them to explain to their family why there would not be a wedding that day.  Had I been a stickler for doing things by the book, I would have done just that. 

I chose to handle the situation differently.  First of all I made it clear to them that they had put me in a moral quandary and really should have clued me into their situation up front.  That said, I went on to explain that for me, it boils down to a matter of a couple’s intent.  I asked them:  Is it truly their intent to be married, and do they plan to make it legal when they are able?  “Yes,” and “Yes!”  They answered.  On that basis I agreed to go forward with their ceremony (minus any legal language such as references to the power vested in me by the State).  Were they telling the truth?  I figure that’s between them and their conscience.   

Another category of one couple, two weddings that is worth mentioning: Exes who re-marry each other.  I’ve performed re-marriage ceremonies for several couples who for one reason or another things didn’t work out the first time around.  The tone for these kinds of weddings feels more familiar and comfortable.  These individuals know each other well, including their darker sides.  One would hope they are really the right couple, but that before, it was just the wrong time.  Now they are older and most likely wiser.  They may have learned lessons that only experience and time can teach.  I hope so.  And I wish for them the same as I wish for all my couples:  many years of wedded bliss and all the happiness their two hearts can hold.

Rev. Leah Light

www.weddedyourway.com

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Each year millions of couples embark on the exciting journey called “planning the wedding”. Some pay thousands of dollars to hire the best wedding consultant in town to plan the most elaborate wedding imaginable and others plan the wedding themselves. Some couples choose to be married in a beautiful cathedral with thousands of well-wishers present while others have a simple private ceremony with a few close family members and/or friends present. There are a million different ways to get married. But, one of the things that most of these “ceremonies” have in common is the invitation. And, just as there are many different ways to get married, there many options for couples to consider when choosing their wedding invitation. From a simple card in the mail to a video invitation or CD-ROM.  In my wedding stationery business, one question I am frequently asked is: “how can I have a nice wedding invitation that won’t break the bank?” This question is sometimes difficult to answer and my answer is normally always two question “how big is the bank?” and “what exactly do you want?” While it would be wonderful, not everyone has a wedding budget that will allow them to spend hundreds or even thousands of dollars on invitations and still have enough money to pay for everything else that they need. And even though choosing the right wedding invitations is very important because they are your first contact with your guests and they provide vital information that your guests will need to know before your wedding date, the truth is, it is possible to find nice wedding invitations that reflect the style of both you and your spouse without breaking the bank.While this blog will focus mainly on different types of invitations based on a couples’ style and budget and my experiences in the wedding business, I will begin by writing a few blogs on what I call “Invitations 101” which will be a little wedding invitation etiquette along with some practical advice from someone who’s not only been in the business for a while but also has experienced it first-hand when planning my own wedding “on a budget”.

Wedding invitations set the mood for the wedding. Will it be formal, casual or even a destination wedding? Most people want the perfect invitation that says it all. Today, I will begin my focus on the do’s and don’ts of the “formal” wedding invitation. I’ll continue this topic in my next blog.

The traditional wedding invitation includes an oversized, engraved invitation on heavy paper with a tissue overlay. They include a lined inner envelope sent inside of an outer envelope. The elegance of traditional wedding invitations is often the perfect way to invite people to a celebration.

Some added touches for wedding the traditional invitation may include RSVP cards, maps and reception cards. You may want to send an accommodation card to out-of-town guests listing the names and phone numbers of local hotels, restaurants and other places of interest. Other stationery products that need to be considered for the wedding ceremony and the reception are programs, seating cards and thank you cards.

If traditional is what you want then the above suggestions are the way to go. Shop around online or at local printers to find invitations that fit your style whether they are professionally printed or blank. Always remember that invitations need to be mailed out six weeks early for in-town guests and eight weeks early for out-of-town guests.

 Simply Beautiful Stationery

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