Everyday Wedding advice

Another event planner and I were recently invited to speak to an association of DJs who are trying to improve the image of the industry. There is a trend with the current economy to not hire a DJ. In some cases it is a cost issue. In others, it is because of a bad experience with a DJ in the past. The group wanted to know what clients look for when interviewing and hiring a DJ. The following thoughts came out of the discussion.

Clients want to know that their DJ and other professionals working at their event will provide the best possible experience; they want to know that the DJ is there to serve them and help make them and their event successful. Clients want to meet their DJ in advance; they don’t like having a stranger show up at their event. They want someone they know and with whom they can share any special issues related to their family or another situation. They don’t want to be blindsided by insensitive, and possibly embarrassing, actions, even if it’s unintentional. This is particularly important when dealing with divorced families and cultural and religious issues.

The DJ should arrive on time and be set up before the event begins. He/she should be dressed appropriately, both for the formality of the event and the event location. He/she should have all the equipment they need, including microphones and lapel mic, if needed. If a table is used, bring a tablecloth.

Equipment should be up-to-date and in good repair. Employees should be adequately trained in its use.

Music should not contain questionable lyrics or in any way be offensive to guests of any age. The DJ should find out in advance what the client considers acceptable and what they don’t want played, then don’t accept requests for anything not pre-approved by the client.

Don’t try to be the center of attention; that is the responsibility of the bride and groom, not the DJ. Don’t talk too much; you are not a radio personality. The bride and groom need to be introduced only once, not every half hour.

Be a team player with the event coordinator, photographer, facility manager and any other person working the event. Don’t make changes to a written agenda provided by the clients or event planner without permission. You don’t know what situations or family dynamics may be involved and who you may offend. Be sure you read any written information given to you.

Don’t try to force the clients into your mold; if they don’t like to dance or it is not appropriate in their religion or culture, be sensitive. If they have other issues, respect them.

Don’t drink on the job. You are there to work, not socialize, and the clients expect you to be at your best.

Don’t engage in group participation activities or games without prior approval from the hosts. They are not appropriate for every group.

Don’t nickel and dime the client. Upcharging for every item doesn’t go over well. Instead, if you must charge for something, include it in your fee; don’t bill it separately. If something happens and you need to play for an extra 10 or 15 minutes (the limo doesn’t arrive on time, etc.), don’t make a production about it in front of the client.

As in every industry, by putting the client first and thinking about the effect of our behavior on them, we as professionals can help create a lovely and memorable event or we can be the cause of the bad memories. Let’s focus on the good.

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All the reasons you chose to commence and celebrate your marriage outdoors can now be incorporated in your Save the Dates, Invitations and Announcements.

The bold colors, bright atmosphere and shear bliss of your destination wedding can get started before you or your guests step foot on a plane or a gas pedal.

Give your guests a firsthand taste of the careful thought behind every detail gone into making this day do “one of a kind.”

Every aspect in the creation of my destination invitation line has been carefully thought out. From the wording, in which there are at least 5 to choose from in each category, to the creative details such as shells, leaves and other natural elements to add a whole new dimension to your requests.

A few destination categories to work within, but now limited to:

1. Mexico
2. Tropical
3. Vineyard
4. New England
5. Europe
6. Las Vegas
7. Cruise

For your destination wedding allow my personal, creative, services to bring a whole new dimension to your invitation conception.

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How To Be Assertive With Your Future Mother-in-Law
by Jenna D. Barry

The way you interact with your future mother-in-law now will set a precedent for how she will treat you after you are married, so it’s important that you start behaving as an adult on an equal level to her. If she says or does something that gets on your nerves, don’t get your hoop slip in a wad. Just talk to her in a calm and mature manner. What you say is important, but how you say it is even more important. Treat your mother-in-law the same way you’d want your fiancé to treat your mom. You can be firm if necessary, but remember to be tactful so you can make progress toward gaining your future husband’s loyalty and respect.

Let me address some common complaints by brides.

1. “My future mother-in-law gossips to my fiancé about me.”

You can’t completely control whether or not your fiancé’s mom gossips about you, but you can try to put an end to the problem by addressing it at the source (i.e. the person who gossips) and the endpoint (i.e. the person who listens to the gossip).

For example you can tell your fiancé, “Honey, I’m going to try to have a healthier relationship with your mom, so from now on we are going to make an effort to talk directly to each other, rather than put you in the miserable position of having to listen to us complain about each other. If I start to criticize your mom, please remind me to talk to her directly. And if she starts to criticize me, please tell her you aren’t willing to be caught in the middle anymore, and that you need for her to talk directly to me.” I recommend talking to your groom about this right away, before you have any future interactions with his mom. After you’ve done that, then respectfully say to his mom, “From now on, I’d like for you and I to talk directly to each other instead of putting [John] in the awkward position of having to listen to his two favorite women gossip about each other.”

2. “My future mother-in-law is trying to take over all of the wedding decisions.”

Obviously your wedding is a big day for you, but it’s also a big day for your fiancé’s mom. The two of you are bound to have opinions that clash, and you may be confused about how to handle that. Here are some things to consider.

Does your groom have an opinion about this decision? (Find out what he really feels, not just what he says to please you or his mom.)
Is your future mother-in-law presenting her opinion in an acceptable manner?
Is she just being controlling, or is there a valid (or sentimental) reason for her request?
Is she footing the bill?

If your sweetheart’s mom has a reasonable request, and she is presenting it in an acceptable manner, then consider bowing out of this particular decision, especially if she is paying for it and/or you ( or your man) don’t have strong feelings about it. Perhaps then she will gracefully step aside when an issue comes up that is more important to you. Letting your mother-in-law make some wedding decisions is a great way to show your groom that you love him.

If, however, your future mother-in-law is presenting her opinion as a demand– or you and your fiancé strongly disagree with her– then don’t encourage her self-centeredness, especially if she isn’t paying the bill. You (or preferably your groom) can respectfully tell her, “Thanks for your input, but I/we have decided to [do this instead].” If she objects, remain calm and say, “You’re entitled to your opinion, but the decision has been made.” If she still won’t back off, tell her you aren’t willing to discuss it anymore and ask if there is something else she’d like to talk about instead.

3. “She acts offended whenever I don’t say or do exactly what she thinks I should.”

Just because your mother-in-law doesn’t approve of the date of the wedding, the location of the reception, the wording on the invitations, or the color of the flowers doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. She may be choosing to be offended so she can manipulate you with guilt until you center the entire wedding around her The next time she makes a negative comment about a decision she isn’t entitled to make, say “I’m sorry you’re upset, but I’ve already made my decision.” If she continues to object, say “This isn’t your decision, and it’s not up for negotiation. Is there something else you’d like to talk about instead?”

Think of every wedding predicament as an opportunity to behave as an equal adult, while at the same time growing closer to your future husband. Value his opinions and work toward loving compromises so the two of you can present a united front to family and friends. Be assertive with his mom when necessary –rather than holding silent grudges or gossiping about her– and communicate your needs in a way that makes him proud to be your groom.

Jenna Barry is the author of “A Wife’s Guide to In-laws: How to Gain Your Husband’s Loyalty Without Killing His Parents.” Her articles appear regularly in magazines, newspapers, and websites world-wide. She also leads an encouraging support group for daughters-in-law. For more information, please visit her website at www.WifeGuide.org.

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Save the Date Cards are announcements that inform your guests of your future wedding in order to keep your special day free.They are essential in the following situations:
1. If many of your guests are traveling to your wedding
2. your wedding takes place on or around a holiday
3. you are planning a faraway destination wedding
4. Your wedding will take place in a seasonally busy or tourist locale, where the flights and hotels perhaps book up early.

They are generally sent at least 4-6 months prior to your wedding but, if you are planning a destination wedding, for example Hawaii it is strongly recommended that you send them 12 months in advance if not longer.

For seasonally busy and tourist locales or on or around a holiday it is best to send them 9-12 months in advance. Your guests will then have ample time to make all the necessary arrangements needed to be a part of your special celebration and may even extend it into a vacation of their own.
Use your imagination, Save the Date Cards are not meant to be formal. There are many design options available. You can have them match your wedding invitations, magnets, brochure style, post card size, multiple layers, booklet style; you can add a picture of you and your fiancé, or embellishments to add a personal touch.

Here are some guidelines on what your cards should state, your names, date of wedding, city or town and state of where wedding will take place.

Also, because Save the date Cards are a recent trend and many that have not attended a wedding recently may mistaken them for the actual invitation be sure to include something along the lines of, “Invitation to follow”, “Invitation and details to follow”, “Invitation will follow” this is usually placed at the bottom of the card.
If you need to keep your guest list to a minimum, make a list of close family and friends whom you want to make sure will be able to attend and mail them a Save the Date Card, you do not need to send Save the Date Cards to everyone you are inviting but, every guest that receives a Save the Date Card must also receive an invitation.
You could also use this time to recommend to your guests additional information to help facilitate their planning such as airline, car rental, hotel, information on things to see and do in the area and surrounding areas, special events, theatrical shows etc.

Go the extra mile and acquire group discounts by calling specific companies and seeing if they offer group discounts.

When two families join together; Consideration is key.

Posted By: Sarah Stahl

Twitter: Mrsdstahl

Blog: http://perfectpapers.blogspot.com

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TTD is a new and rising trend of wedding photography. For those of you who are not yet familiar with the acronym, TTD stands for Trash the Dress. The idea behind it is not trashing your dress, but to create beautiful and unique images of you and your spouse on your wedding attire enjoying a once-in-a-life-time experience; getting soaked by ocean waves, rolling on a puddle of mud or playing around a lake.

TTD photos have become all the rage with brides who want stunning pieces of art that they can proudly display in their home or something unique for their wedding albums.

TTD sessions are a cross between engagements and bridals. They are usually done the week after the wedding and some times up to a year after. These sessions can be done with the bride and groom or just the bride. As you can imagine beaches and lakes are some of the most popular destinations for TTD photo shoots. I now the idea sounds a bit extreme to some brides, but for those of us who have experienced a TTD session, in front or behind the camera, all I can say it’s absolutely worth your time. It is so much fun and the images are just gorgeous. So, rather than vacuum-packing your dress for the world never to see again; why not trying something fun and new!

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We asked the caterer to provide tray-passed hors d’oeuvres during the cocktail hour, assuming that anyone in the catering industry knows how to serve hors d’oeuvres in that manner. Wrong!! Imagine our horror when the servers walked into the room (at an upscale performing arts center) carrying large plastic trays used to clear tables. On each tray they had placed paper plates with one each of the four hors d’oeuves. They had placed a plastic fork pitchfork-style in each plate. The servers walked around handing out their concoctions to the horror of the guests. To make matters worse, one of the servers, who had been carving prime rib, took off his chef’s coat and walked around in his undershirt.

Less than a month later a different caterer sent only one employee to handle an event for nearly 100 people. The employee set three trays of hors d’oeuvres on a table then exited. When I asked him where the plates were, he said “They can use their fingers.” I then asked if he had brought plates for the dessert and he said no. I had to make a quick trip to a store to purchase paper plates and forks.

The following week the same caterer came to another event. This time the employee arrived with several gallons of lemonade in plastic buckets with no way to serve it. He had failed to bring pitchers or a punch bowl. His solution was to place the bucket on the beverage table with a cup beside it and expect each guest to dip the cup into the bucket and fill their own glasses!

Today we live in a casual society and many young people have little, if any, training in the social graces. It appears that they are not receiving it from their employers either. Perhaps the catering managers have no knowledge of how to handle a nice event. In the first instance mentioned above the catering manager was present and he found nothing wrong with his employees’ actions. Appalling, appalling, appalling!!

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The recent downturn in the economy will have an affect on wedding planning and on the business of merchants who depend on brides and grooms for their livlihood. People still get married, no matter what the economy, but they scale back on the size of the wedding and on spending in general. As we have seen in past economic downturns, they will choose a less expensive location, less expensive food, and cut back on serving alcohol (a budget breaker at most weddings).  They may eliminate the “luxury” services, such as videography, photo booths, chocolate fountains, and other items that can add to the uniqueness of a wedding.

What can we as vendors do to keep clients coming in the door? First, look at your customer service. If it isn’t top notch, couples will either choose one of your competitors or they will forgo your service entirely. You need to add value in some way that makes you stand out from your competitors.

Second, how is your pricing? If in the past you priced your services to attract the up-scale client and not the average bride and groom, you might need to rethink that.

This is not a time to stop advertising, but it is a time to rethink how you are spending your advertising dollars. If you don’t track where contacts come from, you might want to start doing that. Did they find you at a wedding show, in a wedding guide book, or on-line? Did a past client refer them to you? Once you know where your business comes from, you can focus your advertising more closely.

If your business has debt, find a way to pay it off. More small businesses fail in tough times because of an excess of debt than from any other issue. Your goal should be to have enough money in your bank account to weather the down months until the economy turns around and couples begin purchasing again.

Yes, times are tough, but with careful planning, we can weather the slow down in business until the economy turns around.

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I just returned from a wedding reception held in a small rural community in Oregon. The town is located 4 hours from the nearest rental center and 3 hours from the nearest caterer. Therefore, the couple, and others before them, used what was locally available to create their reception. 

The party was held at a retreat center located next to the city park. The location incuded large lawns, a bunk house with two kitchens, and an area away from the facility for a bonfire. The couple erected a “tent” by using a Forest Service parachute attached to metal poles. They borrowed tables and chairs from the community center. Ladies in the community brought linens, most of which covered only the center of the tables. The ladies also brought vases of flowers from their gardens to serve as centerpieces.

Steak, chicken, and pork was cooked on a large home-made grill that was borrowed fr0m a friend. Baked beans were cooked and served in a large cast iron kettle. Several salads were available and some of the guests contributed side dishes. Dessert consisted of brownies, pies, and a variety of muffins. The bride’s mother made her famous truffles.

Music for dancing was provided via downloads from the internet to a laptop computer. 

Many of the 125 guests left when it got dark. Others moved to the campfire where they visited until the wee hours. Guests came from Illinois, Washington, Idaho, Oregon and California. The event was casual, fun, and a great opportunity to meet new people and to spend time with distant relatives.

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We hear a lot about etiquette issues the bride and groom should consider when planning their wedding, but what about the wedding guests? The best planned wedding can be diminished or ruined by insensitive guests. At one time or another most of us have seen or experienced bad behavior by guests (we would never do it ourselves, would we?). The following are some of the most common issues  that wedding planners, officiants, DJs, photographers, and other wedding professionals deal with all the time.

*Guests who fail to return the RSPV, or worse yet, those who respond that they will attend and then don’t.  The bride and groom need the replies so their caterer can prepare the right amount of food. It may also be necessary to rent additional tables, chairs, and linens if the response is greater than expected. When guests fail to return the RSVP the bride or groom has to spend time calling them to determine whether they plan to attend. To respond that one will attend and then not do so costs the bride and groom money, sometimes significant amounts if a number of guests fail to attend. It also creates hard feelings that may take a long time to overcome.

*Dress appropriately. Unless the wedding is very casual, shorts, Levis, athletic shoes, ball caps, tee shirts, and other casual attire are inappropriate, as is overly revealing clothing. Some facilities, particularly country clubs, private clubs, and churches, have dress codes. Those who arrive improperly dressed may not be allowed to enter the facility.

*Arrive on time. If you arrive after the ceremony has started, wait until the wedding coordinator tells you it is okay to enter. Don’t enter down the center aisle unless you have no alternative. Instead, enter through a side door and quietly take a seat at the back.

*Don’t bring uninvited guests. Don’t assume that children, dates, or others are invited to the wedding unless their name appears on the invitation. To bring an additional person can create embarrassment if the person has nowhere to sit or doesn’t have food to eat.

*If you bring children, supervise them. Don’t allow them to run wild, chase each other, or otherwise disturb other guests. If they are disruptive, take them out of the room. Don’t expect the photographer, DJ, or wedding coordinator to supervise them for you. Many churches have cry rooms where young children can be taken and mothers can still see and hear the ceremony.

*Don’t take more than your share of food, particularly if a buffet is served. Be sensitive to those in line behind you and leave something for them. You can always go back if food is left.

*Don’t drink too much. You are there to celebrate with the newly weds, not embarrass yourself and them.

If each guest takes the time to consider how their conduct affects others and displays a little courtesy and thoughtfulness, the wedding day will be an enjoyable occasion for the bride and groom and all of their guests.

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One of the benefits of holding weddings in outdoor locations is that you never know who or what might show up. In my area we are fortunate to have numerous outdoor locations for weddings as well as having proximity to mountains and lakes for those who want to have a less structured wedding. Many of those locations come with resident wildlife, adding an extra dimension to the wedding.  Our local botanical garden used to be home to several dens of rock chucks until the bull snakes attacked the young. It is not uncommon to see garter and bull snakes at the garden today and I have seen deer walk through just before a ceremony.

 Wineries and snakes seem to be a given. The winery personnel like bull snakes because they keep the rodent population under control. It can be a bit unnerving, however, when a bull snake winds its way through the seated guests, headed directly for the bride and groom, as one did at one summer wedding. Fortunately, a quick thinking groomsman caught the snake, posed for a picture, then tossed it over the hillside into the nearby apple orchards. When I mentioned it to the bride, she said she saw the snake and it added another memory to their wedding day.

One location, in the city, contains an amphitheater overlooking a man-made lake. The lake is home to ducks, Canada geese, and muskrats. At one wedding, a pair of muskrats chased each other around the wedding party, who were assembled on the platform at the center of the amphitheater, which projects into the water.

Our outdoor Shakespearian theater is home to deer, Canada geese, ducks, and a variety of native birds. We can always count on some type of wildlife joining the festivities.

Mountain weddings take on their own unique character. It is not unusual for the reception site to be visited by bears, raccoons, and other “critters” who are lured by the smell of food, as well as by deer and an occasional coyote or fox.

If you are planning an outdoor wedding in or near the country, don’t be surprised if you are visited by wildlife of some type. It will add to your memories and those of your guests.

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