Everyday Wedding advice

Many engagements occur during the holidays, then one of the first thing brides tend to do is begin shopping for their gown.  Choosing just the right wedding gown can be fun or it can be stressful, depending on how you approach it. The following tips will help you make the most of the experience without becoming overwhelmed.

* You may want to look through magazines and at web sites to get an idea of styles and to decide what features you do and don’t like, but don’t zero in on a particular style until you have tried on a few gowns and know what looks best with your figure. 

* Don’t take too many people shopping with you; just your mom or your maid of honor is enough. Too many people create distractions and take extra time. Though in-put from others is important, you should make the final decision on what to purchase; don’t allow anyone to pressure you to make a decision you are not comfortable making.

* Some bridal salons require you to make an appointment. If you must make an appointment, don’t feel pressured to buy until you are ready. You can always come back later.

* Dress appropriately. If you have a strapless bra, take it with you. Also take shoes with a heel height similar to what you may wear with the gown. The gown can be shortened, but having appropriate shoes will help you visualize what you are going to look like. Wear make-up, but not too much; you don’t want to leave stains on the gowns.

* Don’t be shocked by gown sizing. Most wedding gowns are sized larger than what you normally wear. For instance, if you wear a size 10, you might need a size 12 in a gown. Because gowns are form-fitting, you will need to choose one to fit your largest body measurement - waist, hips or bust. It is easy to take in the dress where it is loose, but it isn’t easy to increase the size without possibly harming the dress.

* Expect to pay extra for things like a slip or veil, but ask about discounts if you purchase everything at once.

* If your gown has to be ordered, expect to wait 3 to 4 months to get it (most are made overseas), so order it early and allow time for alterations.

* Ask about alterations. Many shops charge for them, and the fee can be considerable. You may be able to find an independent seamstress or tailor who will charge less. Most alterations are done within a month of the wedding. Brides may lose or gain weight or work out, making it ncessary to repeat alterations if they are completed too far in advance.

* Wedding shoes and undergarments are usually less expensive when purchased at a department store rather than at a bridal salon. The exception is slips and hoops, which tend to be available only at bridal salons.

* Check the sale racks. Many salons place last season’s gowns on sale. When it comes to wedding dresses, who cares if it was last season’s style.

* Be careful about purchasing a gown over the internet. Before purchasing, find out the background of the shop or person offering it. Some gowns come from shops that have gone out of business. Others may belong to a bride who cancelled her wedding. In most cases, you get the dress “as is,” which could mean stained or ripped. You may not be able to return the dress if there is a problem and you will probably need to find a local seamstress or tailor to do alterations.

* If you are on a budget, check consignment shops and Craig’s List for new or slightly used gowns that you can try on before purchasing. Many such gowns are sold by women whose engagement was broken and they no longer want any reminder of the wedding.

* Consider renting your gown. You won’t be able to pass it on to your daughter, but, assuming you have one, she may not want it anyway. Not all shops rent gowns, so check around. Popular styles need to be reserved several months in advance and you may find that you can purchase a gown on sale for the same price or less than renting one, so do your homework.

By taking time to prepare before shopping for your wedding gown, you can savor the experience rather than being overwhelmed by it.

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We have all received save the date cards and magnets alerting us to a future event so we can make plans to attend. Now, a recent trend is save the date videos. These short clips, usually about 60 seconds long, are similar to a TV commercial. They pack a brief story into a very limited time. The completed video can be uploaded to a personal web site, a blog, YouTube, Facebook or another social networking site, or they can be sent via mail to family and friends, such as Grandma or Great Aunt Sally, who would never find a web posting.

Creating a video isn’t cheap. If a commercial videographer is hired, the price can range from a few hundred dollars to well over a thousand, depending on where you live, the complexity of the shoot, and the video’s length. If you are planning to hire a videographer for your wedding, you might check into having him/her also create a save the date video. Or, if you have a friend or relative who has a camcorder, you might ask them to help you create your own video.

A save the date video can be a fun addition to your wedding, though you may lose some privacy if the video appears on the internet, so be careful how much information you reveal.

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I recently coordinated a wedding for two lawyers from San Francisco who chose the ballroom of a local hotel for their event. As you are probably aware, most hotel ballrooms look alike - same nondescript beige or light brown walls, airwall tracks in the ceiling. Some of the better hotels try to improve the look by installing decorative light fixtures, which help to lessen the “conference room” look.

For this event, the clients chose to use decorative lighting to totally change the look of the room, as seen in the photo below.  Columns of purple light shined upward, against the walls, creating a deep purple glow close to the floor and suffusing the room with a soft lavender glow. The room looked elegant and inviting.

You can use lighting in various ways to add to the ambiance of your event, wherever it is held. Though lighting an entire room can be expensive, there are ways to minimize cost, such as using only a few strategically located spot lights shining upward from behind a screen or curtain or focused on an architectural feature. Most any color can be used, though some are more flattering and inviting than others. Colors such as blue tend to make a room look cold, while red adds energy and keeps people moving.

If you want to do something to set your event apart from the ordinary, consider adding special lighting.

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 You have been asked to give a toast, perhaps at the wedding reception or the rehearsal dinner. If the idea of speaking in public makes you very uncomfortable, feel free to decline. You don’t need to ruin your day by stressing over what to say or how to say it. If you agree to give a toast, the following tips will be helpful in creating a meaningful one.

*Be certain all guests have a drink of some type with which to toast. The DJ or person making announcements can ask guests to fill their glasses a few minutes before toasts begin. It is not necessary to toast with champagne or alcohol if none is available; any beverage will do.

*Keep it short, but sincere. Plan to speak no more than 5 minutes. You don’t need to recount the entire hsitory of your relationship with the bride or groom. Don’t mention that you are nervous or you hate to speak in public, or didn’t really want to give the toast. To do so will embarass the person who asked you.

*Stand near the bride and groom  to deliver the toast. That way, guests can focus on only one place rather than having to look back and forth from you to the couple. Photographers can also capture their shots easier. When you finish speaking, clink your glass against those of the couple.

*Begin the toast with something personal, such as how you know the bride or groom. Don’t focus your comments on only one person. Instead, include both of them, even if you don’t know one person well.

*Speak naturally; don’t try to use an accent or wild hand gestures. You will only confuse the guests. Speak clearly and not too fast. Make eye contact with the couple and with guests seated nearby.

*Use humor tastefully. Everyone enjoys a funny story, but keep it clean and don’t embarass anyone. It is easy to get carried away and offend someone.

*Don’t use profanity or tell off-color stories or jokes. Don’t say anything you wouldn’t want your grandmother to hear.

*Don’t mention previous marriages, past relationships, old girl friends or boy friends of the bride or groom. Don’t make comments such as, “I’m sure their marriage will last.”  Such comments can hurt deeply.

*Don’t drink too much before giving your toast. Too much alcohol will make you more nervous, not calm your nerves, and cause you to say things you don’t intend to say.

*Practice your toast before you give it. Trying to wing it at the last minute only works if you are an accomplished speaker.

By implimenting these tips, you can feel confident when you are called upon to make a toast and the bride and groom will be encouraged, not embarassed, by your words.

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It is tradition to serve cake or another special dessert at weddings. The cake or special dessert appears in numerous photos, by itself and when the bride and groom cut it. Therefore, it is important to carefully choose an experienced baker to make your special dessert.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen at a wedding last week. The bride allowed a friend’s mother to make her cake. Apparently, the mother makes nice sheet cakes and figural cakes, but a multi-tiered wedding cake was another issue. The cake was delivered in separate layers, which is usual. When it was assembled, however, it was immediately obvious there was a problem. The cake looked like the Leaning Tower of Pisa and was in imminent danger of totally collapsing. It had to be disassembled, then placed in a refrigerator in an effort to help stabilize it.

Refrigeration helped a little. When it was time to serve the cake, it was reassembled and decorated with flowers, which helped hide some, but not all, of the problems. The bride did not see the cake when it arrived so it was a bit of a shock to see it and to have her guests staring at it while she and the groom cut it. The baker was embarrassed and upset by how it looked and she ended up refunding half the cost of the cake.

Situations like this can be prevented. Before allowing someone to bake your cake or other dessert, ask about their experience. Though the person may think she/he can bake a beautiful cake or dessert, she may not understand everything at stake if she isn’t able to perform as promised.

Ask to see photos of the baker’s work and be sure to look at photos of cakes that are similar in shape to what you want. Ask to sample the cake, filling, and icing, the pie, cheesecake, or other dessert. Cake should be moist; the filling thick enough to provide a flavor contrast. If your cake will be placed outdoors, find out if the baker knows how to prepare the icing so it won’t melt on a warm day. It is easy to do, but not all bakers know the tricks of the trade, particularly non-professionals.

If your reception or party will be outdoors, sun, wind and insects may be problems. No dessert should be placed in the sun. If shade is an issue, you may need to rent or borrow a small canopy to place over the dessert. A cake containing pillars between the layers is more apt to topple in the slightest breeze than a stacked cake. A large cake will also be more difficult to handle than a smaller cake supplemented by sheet cakes. Pie, on the other hand, holds up fairly well in outdoor conditions; many other desserts do not, however, and shouldn’t be placed outdoors at all.

With attention to detail and by asking the right questions, you can prevent the situation that occurred last week. Though well-meaning friends or family members may want to “help” you, feel free to decline if there is any possibility that they lack the experience to create a beautiful and professional looking dessert.

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Another event planner and I were recently invited to speak to an association of DJs who are trying to improve the image of the industry. There is a trend with the current economy to not hire a DJ. In some cases it is a cost issue. In others, it is because of a bad experience with a DJ in the past. The group wanted to know what clients look for when interviewing and hiring a DJ. The following thoughts came out of the discussion.

Clients want to know that their DJ and other professionals working at their event will provide the best possible experience; they want to know that the DJ is there to serve them and help make them and their event successful. Clients want to meet their DJ in advance; they don’t like having a stranger show up at their event. They want someone they know and with whom they can share any special issues related to their family or another situation. They don’t want to be blindsided by insensitive, and possibly embarrassing, actions, even if it’s unintentional. This is particularly important when dealing with divorced families and cultural and religious issues.

The DJ should arrive on time and be set up before the event begins. He/she should be dressed appropriately, both for the formality of the event and the event location. He/she should have all the equipment they need, including microphones and lapel mic, if needed. If a table is used, bring a tablecloth.

Equipment should be up-to-date and in good repair. Employees should be adequately trained in its use.

Music should not contain questionable lyrics or in any way be offensive to guests of any age. The DJ should find out in advance what the client considers acceptable and what they don’t want played, then don’t accept requests for anything not pre-approved by the client.

Don’t try to be the center of attention; that is the responsibility of the bride and groom, not the DJ. Don’t talk too much; you are not a radio personality. The bride and groom need to be introduced only once, not every half hour.

Be a team player with the event coordinator, photographer, facility manager and any other person working the event. Don’t make changes to a written agenda provided by the clients or event planner without permission. You don’t know what situations or family dynamics may be involved and who you may offend. Be sure you read any written information given to you.

Don’t try to force the clients into your mold; if they don’t like to dance or it is not appropriate in their religion or culture, be sensitive. If they have other issues, respect them.

Don’t drink on the job. You are there to work, not socialize, and the clients expect you to be at your best.

Don’t engage in group participation activities or games without prior approval from the hosts. They are not appropriate for every group.

Don’t nickel and dime the client. Upcharging for every item doesn’t go over well. Instead, if you must charge for something, include it in your fee; don’t bill it separately. If something happens and you need to play for an extra 10 or 15 minutes (the limo doesn’t arrive on time, etc.), don’t make a production about it in front of the client.

As in every industry, by putting the client first and thinking about the effect of our behavior on them, we as professionals can help create a lovely and memorable event or we can be the cause of the bad memories. Let’s focus on the good.

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All the reasons you chose to commence and celebrate your marriage outdoors can now be incorporated in your Save the Dates, Invitations and Announcements.

The bold colors, bright atmosphere and shear bliss of your destination wedding can get started before you or your guests step foot on a plane or a gas pedal.

Give your guests a firsthand taste of the careful thought behind every detail gone into making this day do “one of a kind.”

Every aspect in the creation of my destination invitation line has been carefully thought out. From the wording, in which there are at least 5 to choose from in each category, to the creative details such as shells, leaves and other natural elements to add a whole new dimension to your requests.

A few destination categories to work within, but now limited to:

1. Mexico
2. Tropical
3. Vineyard
4. New England
5. Europe
6. Las Vegas
7. Cruise

For your destination wedding allow my personal, creative, services to bring a whole new dimension to your invitation conception.

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How To Be Assertive With Your Future Mother-in-Law
by Jenna D. Barry

The way you interact with your future mother-in-law now will set a precedent for how she will treat you after you are married, so it’s important that you start behaving as an adult on an equal level to her. If she says or does something that gets on your nerves, don’t get your hoop slip in a wad. Just talk to her in a calm and mature manner. What you say is important, but how you say it is even more important. Treat your mother-in-law the same way you’d want your fiancé to treat your mom. You can be firm if necessary, but remember to be tactful so you can make progress toward gaining your future husband’s loyalty and respect.

Let me address some common complaints by brides.

1. “My future mother-in-law gossips to my fiancé about me.”

You can’t completely control whether or not your fiancé’s mom gossips about you, but you can try to put an end to the problem by addressing it at the source (i.e. the person who gossips) and the endpoint (i.e. the person who listens to the gossip).

For example you can tell your fiancé, “Honey, I’m going to try to have a healthier relationship with your mom, so from now on we are going to make an effort to talk directly to each other, rather than put you in the miserable position of having to listen to us complain about each other. If I start to criticize your mom, please remind me to talk to her directly. And if she starts to criticize me, please tell her you aren’t willing to be caught in the middle anymore, and that you need for her to talk directly to me.” I recommend talking to your groom about this right away, before you have any future interactions with his mom. After you’ve done that, then respectfully say to his mom, “From now on, I’d like for you and I to talk directly to each other instead of putting [John] in the awkward position of having to listen to his two favorite women gossip about each other.”

2. “My future mother-in-law is trying to take over all of the wedding decisions.”

Obviously your wedding is a big day for you, but it’s also a big day for your fiancé’s mom. The two of you are bound to have opinions that clash, and you may be confused about how to handle that. Here are some things to consider.

Does your groom have an opinion about this decision? (Find out what he really feels, not just what he says to please you or his mom.)
Is your future mother-in-law presenting her opinion in an acceptable manner?
Is she just being controlling, or is there a valid (or sentimental) reason for her request?
Is she footing the bill?

If your sweetheart’s mom has a reasonable request, and she is presenting it in an acceptable manner, then consider bowing out of this particular decision, especially if she is paying for it and/or you ( or your man) don’t have strong feelings about it. Perhaps then she will gracefully step aside when an issue comes up that is more important to you. Letting your mother-in-law make some wedding decisions is a great way to show your groom that you love him.

If, however, your future mother-in-law is presenting her opinion as a demand– or you and your fiancé strongly disagree with her– then don’t encourage her self-centeredness, especially if she isn’t paying the bill. You (or preferably your groom) can respectfully tell her, “Thanks for your input, but I/we have decided to [do this instead].” If she objects, remain calm and say, “You’re entitled to your opinion, but the decision has been made.” If she still won’t back off, tell her you aren’t willing to discuss it anymore and ask if there is something else she’d like to talk about instead.

3. “She acts offended whenever I don’t say or do exactly what she thinks I should.”

Just because your mother-in-law doesn’t approve of the date of the wedding, the location of the reception, the wording on the invitations, or the color of the flowers doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. She may be choosing to be offended so she can manipulate you with guilt until you center the entire wedding around her The next time she makes a negative comment about a decision she isn’t entitled to make, say “I’m sorry you’re upset, but I’ve already made my decision.” If she continues to object, say “This isn’t your decision, and it’s not up for negotiation. Is there something else you’d like to talk about instead?”

Think of every wedding predicament as an opportunity to behave as an equal adult, while at the same time growing closer to your future husband. Value his opinions and work toward loving compromises so the two of you can present a united front to family and friends. Be assertive with his mom when necessary –rather than holding silent grudges or gossiping about her– and communicate your needs in a way that makes him proud to be your groom.

Jenna Barry is the author of “A Wife’s Guide to In-laws: How to Gain Your Husband’s Loyalty Without Killing His Parents.” Her articles appear regularly in magazines, newspapers, and websites world-wide. She also leads an encouraging support group for daughters-in-law. For more information, please visit her website at www.WifeGuide.org.

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Save the Date Cards are announcements that inform your guests of your future wedding in order to keep your special day free.They are essential in the following situations:
1. If many of your guests are traveling to your wedding
2. your wedding takes place on or around a holiday
3. you are planning a faraway destination wedding
4. Your wedding will take place in a seasonally busy or tourist locale, where the flights and hotels perhaps book up early.

They are generally sent at least 4-6 months prior to your wedding but, if you are planning a destination wedding, for example Hawaii it is strongly recommended that you send them 12 months in advance if not longer.

For seasonally busy and tourist locales or on or around a holiday it is best to send them 9-12 months in advance. Your guests will then have ample time to make all the necessary arrangements needed to be a part of your special celebration and may even extend it into a vacation of their own.
Use your imagination, Save the Date Cards are not meant to be formal. There are many design options available. You can have them match your wedding invitations, magnets, brochure style, post card size, multiple layers, booklet style; you can add a picture of you and your fiancé, or embellishments to add a personal touch.

Here are some guidelines on what your cards should state, your names, date of wedding, city or town and state of where wedding will take place.

Also, because Save the date Cards are a recent trend and many that have not attended a wedding recently may mistaken them for the actual invitation be sure to include something along the lines of, “Invitation to follow”, “Invitation and details to follow”, “Invitation will follow” this is usually placed at the bottom of the card.
If you need to keep your guest list to a minimum, make a list of close family and friends whom you want to make sure will be able to attend and mail them a Save the Date Card, you do not need to send Save the Date Cards to everyone you are inviting but, every guest that receives a Save the Date Card must also receive an invitation.
You could also use this time to recommend to your guests additional information to help facilitate their planning such as airline, car rental, hotel, information on things to see and do in the area and surrounding areas, special events, theatrical shows etc.

Go the extra mile and acquire group discounts by calling specific companies and seeing if they offer group discounts.

When two families join together; Consideration is key.

Posted By: Sarah Stahl

Twitter: Mrsdstahl

Blog: http://perfectpapers.blogspot.com

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TTD is a new and rising trend of wedding photography. For those of you who are not yet familiar with the acronym, TTD stands for Trash the Dress. The idea behind it is not trashing your dress, but to create beautiful and unique images of you and your spouse on your wedding attire enjoying a once-in-a-life-time experience; getting soaked by ocean waves, rolling on a puddle of mud or playing around a lake.

TTD photos have become all the rage with brides who want stunning pieces of art that they can proudly display in their home or something unique for their wedding albums.

TTD sessions are a cross between engagements and bridals. They are usually done the week after the wedding and some times up to a year after. These sessions can be done with the bride and groom or just the bride. As you can imagine beaches and lakes are some of the most popular destinations for TTD photo shoots. I now the idea sounds a bit extreme to some brides, but for those of us who have experienced a TTD session, in front or behind the camera, all I can say it’s absolutely worth your time. It is so much fun and the images are just gorgeous. So, rather than vacuum-packing your dress for the world never to see again; why not trying something fun and new!

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